Weeping Angel vs SCP-173 (2024)

INTERLUDE[]

Wiz: Statues. Inanimate works of art. Or are they...

Boomstick: Yes, Wiz, they are. Stop being so spooky.

Wiz: Boomstick, read the script.

Boomstick: Oh yeah. What if, they could actually see you? What if they could actually move if you weren't looking? SPOOOOOKY!

Wiz: An example would be the Weeping Angels, the angelic hell-spawn.

Boomstick: And the SCP-173, the Euclid-Class sculpture. He's Wiz, and I'm Boomstick.

Wiz: It's our job to analyze their weapons, armour and skill to see who would win in a Death Battle.

WEEPING ANGEL[]

Wiz: The Weeping Angels. Monsters as old as time itself, yet nobody knows where they come from.

Boomstick This is a predatory species, hunting its victims for energy.

Wiz: Weeping Angels don't do this in the traditional manner, however. Rather than killing or parasitizing their prey, they feed off of time paradoxes

Boomstick: With a single touch, Angels can send their prey to a time before they were born. They can then feed off of the energy of your unlived days.

Wiz: Angels are the only creatures in the universe to kill you while not killing you, as you can live out the rest of your life before you were born, and are uninjured from contact with the Angels.

Boomstick: Now, these would be the most unstoppable killing machines of all time, if it weren't for a small weakness.

Wiz: Angels are quantum-locked entities. They cannot exist if you attempt to observe them, like the Schrödinger's cat paradox.

Boomstick: They can, however, move incredibly fast, advancing feet in just the blink of an eye. Literally.

Wiz: Anything that takes the form of an Angel, becomes an Angel. This means that any image of a Weeping angel can become a living being.

Boomstick: If you've seen a Weeping Angel and imagine it in your head, you have to keep on imagining it, watching it, because it will get you if you don't.

Wiz: A weakness of theirs is getting trapped by other Angels. The reason they appear as if they are crying is because they must cover their eyes when not on the hunt. This is because if two Angels make eye contact, they would be trapped forever.

Boomstick: Well... that must be pretty unfortunate.

SCP-173[]

Wiz: In the middle to late 1800s - most data was destroyed -, a small group of individuals found what appeared to be a concrete and rebar sculpture, with traces of Krylon-brand spray paint. When they began to investigate, They learned that it had strange properties.

Boomstick: They tried to contain it, but failed. Eventually these individuals created a foundation to secure this entity, contain others like it, and protect the world from their dangers. They created: The SCP Foundation.

Wiz: Codenamed SCP-173, it could move at incredible speeds, so fast that they are unmeasureable.

Boomstick: It's a Euclid-class SCP, meaning that it is contained fairly easily, if procedures are followed. It is contained inside of a reinforced steel room with a stone floor, and a pair of SCP-131 are on constant watch.

Wiz: The reason that such procedures are taken is because SCP-173 is extremely hostile. It will move towards it's victims and kill them by either snapping the neck at the base of the skull, or with strangulation and crushing of the windpipe.

Boomstick: Brutal. SCP-173 does have one weakness though. This is that it can't move when in the field of vision. Sounds familiar.

Wiz: Unlike the Weeping Angels, however, this applies even when a wall or something else is in the way. You could be looking at it from across the building, and it would be immobile.

Boomstick: Wiz, I'm pretty sure that was just a glitch. It's not canon.

Wiz: Fine...

Wiz: SCP-173 is incredibly strong, being able to do significant damage to SCP-682.

Boomstick: For anybody who doesn't care to look that up, SCP-682 is the most powerful, indestructible SCP out there.

Wiz: No, Boomstick. That would be SCP-173.

Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all.

Boomstick: IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!!!

FIGHT[]

SCP-173 and the Weeping Angel are inside of a reinforced steel room, somewhere in the SCP Foundation facility.

They are facing away from each other.

FIGHT!

SCP-173 and the Weeping Angel turn around at the same time, facing each other.

SCP-173 stares intently at the Weeping Angel.

The Weeping Angel stares even harder at SCP-173.

They both stare deep into the other's soul.

The staring continues.

...

Still staring.

*Yawn*

So...

Anybody see the new Star Wars Movie?

It was great.

Did you know that Han Solo - never mind.

Let's check back on the fight.

They're still staring at each other.

*A Class-D Personnel walks into the room. He watches for a moment before walking away.

Staring intensifies.

The staring goes on for thirty more minutes.

*Snore... Snore...

Boomstick walks into the room.

Boomstick: Screw this. I'm ending this fight now.

Boomstick smashes both of their heads with a sledgehammer.

DOUBLE KO!

Boomstick leaves the room, taking a swig of beer on his way out.

CONCLUSION[]

Wiz: BOOMSTICK! YOU CHEATING SON OF A BITCH!

Boomstick: It would have gone on forever if I hadn't interfered.

Wiz: True...

Boomstick: They were marbleous statues, but you can't take them for granite.

Wiz: The winner is Boomstick.

POLL[]